It’s been almost exactly one year since I wrote my first reflection. I wrote it on March 29, 2017 and today is March 25, 2018. I find it a bit strange, there must be something about this time of year that encourages me to be more outwardly reflective. Maybe it’s my way of spring cleaning out my thoughts? I would like to be more intentional about doing this more consistently as opposed to a once a year event.
Here’s an excerpt from two poems I wrote about how time passes:
August 2016-
Its funny how the day just flies right by and time never stops to whisper, “hi”
Tick-tock, tick-tock,
Do you remember your plans you once forgot?
February 2018 –
Sometimes the future seems far away
but day by day, it slips away
Creeps right past like a cold winter spent longing for a warmer season
…waiting for no good reason
I find myself reflecting a lot on how quickly time passes. Earlier this month my dad, who had just turned 61 last month, passed away from a heart attack in his sleep. This event has led me to feel fearful for how I’ve been spending my time and how well I’m treating my body with the food I eat, the thoughts I think, and the community I live in. I always imagined that I would live at least until my 90s. Irresponsibly thinking that I still have two-thirds of my life to live. I’m ever more realizing that life has no time limits.
I want to take a moment for some positive self affirmations:
I feel a deep sadness because of the deep love I have for my dad.
I will carry the memories of my dad with love and joy.
Dad was a very faithful man and is resting now. I will stand on my own faith for comfort and strength.
The fear I am feeling will motivate me to live more intentionally.
I am loved and not alone.
Notable Actions: I’m finding it difficult to give myself kudos when my dad just passed.. I’ll just skip this section of my reflections and come back it to at a later time.
Opportunities for Action:
- I’m realizing that I can use some work on my self esteem. A few people have expressed discomfort in my lack of public tears and my ability to, “just pick up and move on.” I tend to be a private griever and I shouldn’t let other people’s discomfort with this affect my self esteem. Even before my dad passed I’ve been able to take a break a work, cry in the bathroom and then go on with my day with my sadness unnoticed. I usually care less about other peoples opinions of me but this is sitting a bit weird with me. I just want to acknowledge and affirm to myself that it’s okay to grieve in my own way.. but my self esteem could use some improvement.
- laundry.. (just going to leave it at that..)
Life is Lovely 